ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
