someone owes me an orgasm
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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