Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
