Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
