Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
