I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dick very happy bro
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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