I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
