guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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