Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
