Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
