I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
