my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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