May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
