Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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