Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
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Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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