I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
