we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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