Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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