mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
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sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
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Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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