On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
