its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
