1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
