the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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