There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
