Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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