My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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