At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
