i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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