i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
this just has baby written all over it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
