i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
