So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
