I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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