Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize