Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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