I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
