She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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