One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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