So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
