Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
where are my eyebrows?
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