So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
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Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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