last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
