That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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