Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How does one acquire holy water?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
