I'm so fucking centered right now
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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