I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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