I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
