Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
