just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
