I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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