So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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