Your dad touched me again.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
