why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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