careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
