omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.