just come out here and I will go home with you...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
