She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
