she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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