I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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