Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My balls are so social today.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
