so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
