It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
