quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
