i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
