i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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