we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
