In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
