gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
