im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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